I decided to look for some cute, sexy clothes for an upcoming weekend retreat. Just a few things, because I’m still changing sizes. I went to Kohl’s, a regular department store, not a large size store. I ended up getting a sweatshirt, a few T-shirts, and one cute blouse. It was completely weird for me to be able to shop in the regular sizes! The clothes I bought were L or XL. The XXL shirts I picked out were definitely too big. It’s kinda surreal.
In pants I’m still big; an XL fits but is snug, and some XLs were too small.
I was really frustrated when my weight stalled at 263 for a long time, then crept down to 261 and sat there. But in the last 3 or 4 weeks the scale has been moving, and I’m down to 250. I haven’t been below 250 pounds since my early 20’s.
I’ve been able to put on some pants that are labeled XL. They’re really too tight to wear, but I could actually pull them up. It’s kinda surreal.
I’ve been able to wear a lot of my shorts during this journey because they have drawstrings, which I’ve been continuing to tighten. Today I had to choose to not wear a pair that didn’t have a drawstring because I knew they would be slipping down all day, and I need to go out to an appointment today. Time to get rid of them!
The other day after I washed some of the clothes I got from Rio’s sister, I decided to make room for them by purging my closet. They were all tops, so I went through and got rid of tops that were “OK”: not my favorites, but I’d worn them because they fit. I think I got rid of about 20 of them!
Then I went to purge my pants. I know most of them are too big because of trying them on when packing for our trip. But I was unable to part with any. It was the weirdest emotional feeling. You see, for years pants have been a real struggle. Because of my small legs and but, and massively oversized belly, I just couldn’t find nice pants. When I found some, I bought several, and have hung onto some for 15 years or more, patching as the seams wore through, clinging to them. Many styles that worked for me are no longer made, so that it.
I think it was about fear: fear that I will regain weight and not be able to find pants. For now they are still in my closet. I will likely put them aside soon, but put them in a box and keep them until I’m sure I won’t need them again. If that ever happens…
While I was at Rio’s sister’s in Montana, she decided it was a good time to clean out her closet. She and I have some similar tastes in clothes, and she’s a bit smaller than me, so I got to be the beneficiary of her efforts. I picked out a bunch of shirts in sizes 18 up to 3X. Some fit me now (I wore one home), but some are a bit smaller. Hard for me to imagine myself in the smaller sizes, but I expect I’ll get there. I do need more shirts, though; some of my shirts are hanging seductively off my shoulders because they are too large.
Oh, and on the way home I didn’t need an extender again, so it wasn’t just a one-time thing. It seemed a little easier even, which was borne out by the fact that when I got home I weighed myself, and was down 3 pounds during the week we were traveling. Pretty cool.