Today at the basketball game at Maples Pavilion I walked from the car and back, and I walked to the T-shirt stand back. But the big news is that between each quarter I walked all the way around the arena. I did this at a pretty fast clip, got a little bit out of breath, but it all felt good and my back only hurt a little. This is a huge accomplishment.
Shrimp and scallop lunch. 3 scallops, 4 shrimp. Ate 2 scallops and 3 shrimp. 2 bites of veggies. Just a couple of bites of coleslaw. Lots of leftovers.
I stole 1 French fry from another plate, and shared 2 bites of ice cream from my mom’s birthday dessert. Little bits like that make me not feel deprived.
9 months post-op.
I decided to look for some cute, sexy clothes for an upcoming weekend retreat. Just a few things, because I’m still changing sizes. I went to Kohl’s, a regular department store, not a large size store. I ended up getting a sweatshirt, a few T-shirts, and one cute blouse. It was completely weird for me to be able to shop in the regular sizes! The clothes I bought were L or XL. The XXL shirts I picked out were definitely too big. It’s kinda surreal.
In pants I’m still big; an XL fits but is snug, and some XLs were too small.
I did something today that I’m sad about: I removed a fat image of me from my portfolio website.
I am looking for a job, and fat-phobia exists, and might get in the way of someone considering me for a job. I feel icky about this, like I’m “caving”, or catering to fat-phobes.
I did this to some extent in the past. Before the pandemic, and before video conferencing was common, first interviews were often conducted in person. However I insisted on my first interviews being on the phone. I explained that this was the easiest way not to waste time with an in-person meeting, but actually it was really to avoid them seeing my fat body and drawing conclusions about me before actually knowing me and being impressed with me.
I was interviewed for a tech TV channel a few years ago. It was a great interview, and I loved including it on my site. However it shows most of my body, the body that is 90 lbs larger than my current body. I am fat, really fat in this interview. I decided to remove it. I’ve replaced it with an audio version only, branding it as a “podcast”.
I haven’t posted here for a while because, well, I don’t have much to stay. I’m continuing with my eating plan, exercising, living life, but not losing weight. My back is sooooo much better, but I still have a long way to go. I can’t walk for more than about 15 minutes before I’m in pain. I still have a huge belly, which I know will take plastic surgery to fully correct but I can’t get that until I have a lower BMI.
“Stalls” like this are very common, and I keep telling myself and seeing how far I’ve come, but I’m still super frustrated. It definitely tells me that weight loss is way more than a “numbers game”. I track all of my food, and generally eat between 1100 and 1300 calories a day. Given my activity, that *must* be a calorie deficit, but I’m not losing.