Steady, plus an NSV

Haven’t posted in a while because I’m kind of holding steady. I had weighed in at 248 and then spent three weeks going between 248 and 251: now I weigh in at 246, and I’m going back-and-forth between 246 and 249. The trend is right, but it’s so slow!

An NSV (non-scale victory): went to a baseball game for the first time in two years, and sitting in a regular seat was not horribly uncomfortable for the first time in my memory. I actually fit! Didn’t feel all smushed in! And Rio and I could sit next to each other without feeling like we had to lean away from each other because we were so smashed. Small victories.

Holding Pattern

I feel like I’m in a holding pattern, not really going anywhere. I certainly feel better, but the pace is worse than a snail’s pace, nothing even close to steady, much less dramatic. It’s hard to stay motivated to really watch what I eat. I can easily see me starting to “slide”, to start eating higher calorie foods. I am able to eat those foods, haven’t really found much that I can’t tolerate, just in small quantities. Big confession: I had two bites of a donut the other day. I’m not beating myself up over it or anything, but it scared me that I had no ill effects from it, other than feeling full. Good thing I’m not much of a sweet eater or this could be a big problem.

Maybe the stall is over?

I’ve been the same weight for two weeks, but this morning I got on the scale and I was down 3 pounds. I guess that’s how this journey works.

I’ve been the same weight for two weeks, but this morning I got on the scale and I was down 3 pounds. I guess that’s how this journey works.

Going under 250 is a milestone for me, because the last time I can remember being that weight was about a year after I graduated college, so I was about 21 years old. Blows my mind.

However I took some pictures of my body last night and compared them to the pictures that were taken right after the surgery. I’m down 33 pounds, but I can only see tiny changes. I’m looking forward to seeing more dramatic changes. But more than that, my back has been really bad the last couple of weeks, so I’m mostly looking forward to feeling better. We’ll see…

Latest stall continuing, back pain, some positives

I know I’m not supposed to focus on weight, but it’s hard. I was at 250, went up to 252, now at 251. Basically the same for a few weeks. I’m continuing to exercise, and keeping up with my water and protein intake, which is really important. I’m not doing anything wrong, and intellectually I know this happens a lot, but I’m still working very hard not to freak out.

Another thing that has made the last couple of weeks hard is that my back has been bad. I’ve been doing a lot, with moving things around with the window project and taking care of Simcha, so I’m sure that’s factoring in. But it’s still been pretty difficult.

On the positive side, I visited my nephew and his family. It was easier for me to get around than even the last time I was there, 10 lbs heavier. One thing I noticed is that when I was sitting in a chair and needed to reach down to something on the floor, it was easier, presumably because my belly was a bit smaller. Little things like this help.

Back pain

For the last few days I’ve been having nasty back pain. Most of my pain has historically been on the left side. Now I’m getting it on the left and the right. Of course, I’ve been doing a lot more, so maybe it’s just “normal” pain that people feel when they overwork. Regardless, it’s really annoying!

Stall is over, but now clothing purging and angst

I was really frustrated when my weight stalled at 263 for a long time, then crept down to 261 and sat there. But in the last 3 or 4 weeks the scale has been moving, and I’m down to 250. I haven’t been below 250 pounds since my early 20’s.

I’ve been able to put on some pants that are labeled XL. They’re really too tight to wear, but I could actually pull them up. It’s kinda surreal.

I’ve been able to wear a lot of my shorts during this journey because they have drawstrings, which I’ve been continuing to tighten. Today I had to choose to not wear a pair that didn’t have a drawstring because I knew they would be slipping down all day, and I need to go out to an appointment today. Time to get rid of them!

The other day after I washed some of the clothes I got from Rio’s sister, I decided to make room for them by purging my closet. They were all tops, so I went through and got rid of tops that were “OK”: not my favorites, but I’d worn them because they fit. I think I got rid of about 20 of them!

Then I went to purge my pants. I know most of them are too big because of trying them on when packing for our trip. But I was unable to part with any. It was the weirdest emotional feeling. You see, for years pants have been a real struggle. Because of my small legs and but, and massively oversized belly, I just couldn’t find nice pants. When I found some, I bought several, and have hung onto some for 15 years or more, patching as the seams wore through, clinging to them. Many styles that worked for me are no longer made, so that it.

I think it was about fear: fear that I will regain weight and not be able to find pants. For now they are still in my closet. I will likely put them aside soon, but put them in a box and keep them until I’m sure I won’t need them again. If that ever happens…

Clothes! And the seatbelt thing…

While I was at Rio’s sister’s in Montana, she decided it was a good time to clean out her closet. She and I have some similar tastes in clothes, and she’s a bit smaller than me, so I got to be the beneficiary of her efforts. I picked out a bunch of shirts in sizes 18 up to 3X. Some fit me now (I wore one home), but some are a bit smaller. Hard for me to imagine myself in the smaller sizes, but I expect I’ll get there. I do need more shirts, though; some of my shirts are hanging seductively off my shoulders because they are too large.

Oh, and on the way home I didn’t need an extender again, so it wasn’t just a one-time thing. It seemed a little easier even, which was borne out by the fact that when I got home I weighed myself, and was down 3 pounds during the week we were traveling. Pretty cool.

Another NSV: Shower

We’re staying at Rio’s sister’s. This morning I took a shower. May not seem like a big deal, but I was able to take a whole shower without needing to sit down because of back pain.