The Past Seven Months

I haven’t written anything in the past severn months. Why is that?

Mostly because, well, I’ve just been living my life. My new eating habits are “for the rest of my life” so I’ve been figuring it out. I have my routines and mostly stick to them.

I continue to walk the dog at least once a day, and on the weekends I walk up to 3 miles. At the Gay Pride parade I marched with different contingents and walked over 5 miles. I can do this! I still have back back pain because my back is really screwed up, but I can deal with it day to day. Some days it’s worse, some days better.

I still do yoga. I have lessons weekly and try to do my practice at least a few times a week. It really helps. I had a whole course of physical therapy for my back, and that helped too. Mostly I learned some good mobility, strengthening, and stretching, and it nicely complements the yoga.

I went bowling a couple of days ago. All good.

I walk around our property, do physical things around the house, and all is well.

I’ve done 2 plane trips and 1 driving trip and did really well. Didn’t even board with the disabled people, and I’ve stopped parking in disabled spaces.

So what do I eat? I generally eat some protein and fruit and decaf coffee (with half and half) at breakfast, a salad with protein for lunch, a snack of crunch protein things like nuts or parmesan crisps, and dinner of protein, veggies, and sometimes a small amount of carbs. I snack at night, which continues to be a problem, but I try to keep it “clean” – sugar free candies or other treats or some more protein. I average about 1400 calories a day, under 75g net carbs, about 100g of protein. I drink about 100 oz of water a day. It’s all a good routine. When we travel it’s worse because there are other treats available, but we bring foos so as not to snack on the plane or at airports, and get groceries delivered to hotels so we eat our normal food and not more junk or restaurant food. I let myself indulge a bit, and have been as high as 1900 calories and up to 100g of net carbs. I still track what I eat most days because it keeps me accountable. I skip days that are particularly stressful or busy, but I try not to skip more than one day a week.

My weight was 207 when I had my original plastic surgery. I got down as low as 192, and then hung around 196 for a while. I’m hanging around 200 now. I’m OK with the weight, but my shape is weird. I’m having a “revision” plastic surgery on September 17 to deal with some of the upper belly fat. I’m doing that because I look funny in clothes, narrow at the hips, small breasts, and a round midsection. I can’t get clothes to fit right either. My hips are a size 7 and my belly is a size 18.

My A1C has been steady around 6.3 which is great for a diabetic. I’d like it lower, but my body will do what it will do. All other blood work is great. The only meds I’m on are Candesartan for its kidney protectant properties and to keep my blood pressure in check, and a low dose of Lipitor to keep my good cholesterol high enough.

Great outcome – all a rousing success in terms of my original intention for having the surgery.

Transformative

For most of my adult life I have not been able to wear regular women’s underwear because my mons area was too big. I had to wear boxer-type underwear. As a feminine person, this always made me feel like an alien, like not-a-woman.

This morning I put on a size 7 pair of briefs. Not only did they fit, but they completely covered my newly lifted mons area.

I cried.

Bought some clothes in “regular” sizes

I decided to look for some cute, sexy clothes for an upcoming weekend retreat. Just a few things, because I’m still changing sizes. I went to Kohl’s, a regular department store, not a large size store. I ended up getting a sweatshirt, a few T-shirts, and one cute blouse. It was completely weird for me to be able to shop in the regular sizes! The clothes I bought were L or XL. The XXL shirts I picked out were definitely too big. It’s kinda surreal.

In pants I’m still big; an XL fits but is snug, and some XLs were too small.

So weird

Stall is over, but now clothing purging and angst

I was really frustrated when my weight stalled at 263 for a long time, then crept down to 261 and sat there. But in the last 3 or 4 weeks the scale has been moving, and I’m down to 250. I haven’t been below 250 pounds since my early 20’s.

I’ve been able to put on some pants that are labeled XL. They’re really too tight to wear, but I could actually pull them up. It’s kinda surreal.

I’ve been able to wear a lot of my shorts during this journey because they have drawstrings, which I’ve been continuing to tighten. Today I had to choose to not wear a pair that didn’t have a drawstring because I knew they would be slipping down all day, and I need to go out to an appointment today. Time to get rid of them!

The other day after I washed some of the clothes I got from Rio’s sister, I decided to make room for them by purging my closet. They were all tops, so I went through and got rid of tops that were “OK”: not my favorites, but I’d worn them because they fit. I think I got rid of about 20 of them!

Then I went to purge my pants. I know most of them are too big because of trying them on when packing for our trip. But I was unable to part with any. It was the weirdest emotional feeling. You see, for years pants have been a real struggle. Because of my small legs and but, and massively oversized belly, I just couldn’t find nice pants. When I found some, I bought several, and have hung onto some for 15 years or more, patching as the seams wore through, clinging to them. Many styles that worked for me are no longer made, so that it.

I think it was about fear: fear that I will regain weight and not be able to find pants. For now they are still in my closet. I will likely put them aside soon, but put them in a box and keep them until I’m sure I won’t need them again. If that ever happens…

Clothes! And the seatbelt thing…

While I was at Rio’s sister’s in Montana, she decided it was a good time to clean out her closet. She and I have some similar tastes in clothes, and she’s a bit smaller than me, so I got to be the beneficiary of her efforts. I picked out a bunch of shirts in sizes 18 up to 3X. Some fit me now (I wore one home), but some are a bit smaller. Hard for me to imagine myself in the smaller sizes, but I expect I’ll get there. I do need more shirts, though; some of my shirts are hanging seductively off my shoulders because they are too large.

Oh, and on the way home I didn’t need an extender again, so it wasn’t just a one-time thing. It seemed a little easier even, which was borne out by the fact that when I got home I weighed myself, and was down 3 pounds during the week we were traveling. Pretty cool.